The holidays were a blur this year… so much so that I’m still getting caught up! It all started on December 12th, when I got up very early to board a plane for Oaxaca. I arrived five days before the main event – a cousin’s wedding. The first two days were spent cleaning hundreds of tiny glass jars, then filling them with coffee and tea, then packing them into boxes, and finally glueing wax seals onto the boxes. Anyone who has ever helped a close friend or family member before their wedding knows what I’m talking about. Before my wedding, my mom, cousins and friends all spent days tying tiny blue bows. Sorry about that guys!
So, aside from the obvious similarity of preparing hundreds of souvenirs, what should you expect if you’re invited to a Mexican wedding? It varies depending on the location and time of day, but there are a few things that I’ve found to be true across the board:
– It will be bigger than you expected, unless you’re used to weddings with over 200 guests. Before I got married my dad said, “Why do you need a venue for the wedding? You could just have it at your mother-in-law’s house.” To which I replied, “There isn’t enough room for 230 guests.” And our wedding was a small one as far as these things go.
– Be prepared to spend an hour or so in the church. Most Mexican weddings include a Catholic mass, which takes about an hour, depending on the priest. At least you don’t have to stand the whole time.
– The ceremony does not only consist in exchanging rings. There are little silver coins, bibles, rosaries, and at one point the couple will literally be tied together with something called a lazo. I was shocked the first time I saw that.
– People dress up. When I was younger in the U.S. a wedding wasn’t really something that you would buy a new dress for. I always just used the most appropriate thing I could find in the closet. Note that this once included a black t-shirt dress – clearly not my best fashion moment. That will not fly at a Mexican wedding. Here wedding guests go all out – high heels, sparkly clutches, and professional hair and make up.
– Mexican weddings last for a long time. Unless you’re going to a traditional wedding in a small town, it won’t last for days. It will probably last for 12+ hours though, so be prepared. The hosts certainly will be: most weddings include at least one snack after the main meal, a snack table with sweet and savory items, and either slippers or flip flops for when you really just can’t take the 4-inch heels any more.
– A Mexican wedding is a marathon, not a sprint. Make sure to get enough sleep the night before, and have a hearty breakfast because you might not have time to eat again until after the mass. Be prepared for a long day full of toasting, eating and dancing!
– The civil wedding and the religious wedding are two separate events. The former usually takes place with a smaller group of intimate friends and family, either before the religious ceremony or directly after.
Now, for the question every woman has to ask, what to wear? If it’s a daytime event, expect cocktail dresses in bright colors with shorter hemlines. If it’s an evening event, expect floor length gowns in darker colors. Appropriate attire varies depending on the location – beach or town? – and the indications given on the invitation. If the invitation specifies etiqueta rigorosa, men will be expected to wear tuxedos and women formal gowns. If it says guayabera, men will be expected to wear the formal linen shirts typical of the Caribbean.
After spending two days prepping souvenirs, one day searching for a dress for the civil wedding, and the last day before the wedding relaxing at a spa with the bride-to-be, everything was ready for a marathon day.
The day started at 9:30 am in a small courtyard in the Botanic Garden, where we attended the civil wedding and enjoyed a light breakfast and toast with the bride and groom afterwards. From there, we went home to change out of our dresses and then to the salon where my mother-in-law and I had our hair and make-up done. After that we had a few hours to eat lunch, and I went for a walk with my husband. It was a slow walk – I couldn’t risk messing up my hair! After that, it was time to freshen up and get dressed for the evening.
We arrived at the church at 7:30 pm sharp, but had to wait for almost an hour because the priest arrived late. After the religious ceremony, there were fireworks, and a calenda. The calenda is a tradition typical of Oaxaca which includes a parade with traditional dancing, music, mezcal, and giant puppets representing the bride and groom. The parade led us back to the Botanic Garden where we started the day. This time, we passed through the small courtyard and on to the main garden where a fairy-tale ballroom had been created. It was complete with white flowers hanging above and candles on all the tables. We danced until late into the night, and did not wake up early on Sunday.